so then what

so one day i wrote, and thought that this may be a good way to give some of the chattering monkeys of the mind a space to vent themselves!! but the monkeys dont follow a format. they don't make sense. thay are random in their process and its difficult to write about what the mind is producing. unless i have some way of coming up with a theory to understand the pattern in their randomness... see show called 'numbers' for theories on friendship patterns and major behaviour analysis using mathematics!
that is the problem with most of my life... lack of consistency. can't like one thing and stay with it. of course, today's gen would see nothing wrong with that. like many other aspects, i was too early for the times! could be the gemini trait looking at more than one exciting thing to do. or the supposedly high instant intelligence where the excitement comes in understanding a new concept, learning a new art, doing a new thing, and the challenge is in attacking the newnesss. perseverance and preservation of existing knowledge and furthering the same thing feels boring. or so i think.
what needs to be understood is that is it boring or basically requires too much of work for small gains which are not visibly noticable, so no 'wow' factor! basically do i still operate in attention-seeking mode ... parents, please note, i seem to be still looking for approval and reaffirmation of my goodness!
so grow up! move on. parents will keep doing the same shit unto you. thats their job! what about your job. do what you need to do. i can see two more threads emerging from this which i need to address - the blame the parents crap and the waiting for the world to right itself rather than taking proactive steps to do something about it state!
so i have two new topics i want to write about. its taken me more than two months to write the second piece. lets see what happens to good intentions and i can also blog this time. will i be able to come back to this spot soon or will another two months go by without realising it.